thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
