It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
3 2 1 whiskey
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
