mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
