Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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