Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just had sex bonerless
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
