I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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