he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
50% drunk capacity currently
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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