you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
