I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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