My room smells like vodka and shame
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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