wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
