All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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