This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
