There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
