So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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