Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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