there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
