I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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