Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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