I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
