Who did Billy Mays play for?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
