I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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