There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
