Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
