Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
