i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
