No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
