mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
