apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
