in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
