Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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