Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
