is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
