Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
