sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Randomize
