Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
