so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
