im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
