Soap is not a condiment
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
