dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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