moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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