it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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