All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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