and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
