sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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