I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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