i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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