For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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