sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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