Well apparently he's into motor boating.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
