Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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