I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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