she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
