I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize