Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
