I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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