walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize