everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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