Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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