11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
