I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My first STD was from a foam party
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
