Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
