They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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