Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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