I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
