Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize