Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
