you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
