she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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