Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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