I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
