So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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