My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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