So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Everything about him screamed your future.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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