sarcasm needs its own font
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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