my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
