i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
